How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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