We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
