Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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