i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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