Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
where are my eyebrows?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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