Tell her she can't have a vagina
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
