roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
