Having a random hookup so left but love u
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
