Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i barfeds in our rink
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
