Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
