dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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