As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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