my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
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I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
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I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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