and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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