i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
