Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
