OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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