And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
