watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
