A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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