You made me cry and you don't even care
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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