sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
