just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
