my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
