You really coming over, don't trick.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
