i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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