Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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