good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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