I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
