Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
