yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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