Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
