im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
