I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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