I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
they're like a gay fantastic four
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
