how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
