fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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