DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
