This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
