i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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