You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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