4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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