come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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