At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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