i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
