do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
