I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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