so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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