I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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