No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
