can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
