Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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