Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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