yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
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If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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