That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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