guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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