You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Green mimosas i think yes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
