so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
