he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
