Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Quick, to the slutcave!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
