Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
