we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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