Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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