Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
