Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
