shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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