i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
