I hope mine doesn't look like that
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
