I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
only if we run a train.
done.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
