I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
