Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
