It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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