OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
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I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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