My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
