He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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