Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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