The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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