My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
