4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
