She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
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He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
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Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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