Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
