Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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