Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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