This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
