Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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