chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
