just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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