Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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