Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
