The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
