Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
