Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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