Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
