dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
